Blog 23: A Year Later

Um... Hi. lol. It's been awhile. I stopped writing because I felt I had nothing left to say. That I had nothing to write about to began with. No one will probably ever see this post, but I figured I would write it. Not because I have nothing better to do, but because of sentimental values. So in the end things worked out. I'm healthy. I went through treatment and I'm doing better. My voice came back. It's not the same nor will it ever be the same again, but it's back and I'm grateful for it. It was something that bummed me out though... wanting to pursue a music career and all... but I got over it. I have the voice I have. Even if it does suck (in my opinion) so long as I have good lyrics and good music to go with it I still have hope for my dream. I won't give up. With everything that happened during the months I wrote here, after, and till now even I've learned a lot about life and about myself. I've learned to never give up. To strive for the very top. I can make it if I want to. If I put my mind to it, I can get what I want. I guess I've just gained self confidence. I've also learned patients and love. Understanding and gratefulness. To enjoy the little things in life. I know that sounds corny... -_-' and I hate to put it in a way that makes me sound like some type of love novelist or pacifist. It's all true though. I can't think of any other way to explain it other than to be blunt. I found that I have real friends out there. Something I thought would never happen. They taught me that potatoes should be shared amongst each other, not shoveled onto one person and left there. I still have issues talking about my personal problems and being completely open to them, but I'm learning and improving. I've also had a great guy stand beside me. All this time and he's still with me. Something I also thought would never happen... especially with a guy I found a 100 miles away on the internet. =P There were those times of course. When we fought and were distant. When we were unsure and frightened. Tears, pain, and all that relationship drama good stuff. We've worked through it though. All of it so far, and were still together. He's always there for me. When I'm sick he'll take care of me (no matter how much I don't want the treatment or to take the medicine -_-) When I'm sad he'll make me smile. When I'm cold, he'll keep me warm. When I'm lost he'll always bring me back. Whenever I'm around him and I see him smile at me the only thing that I can think is, "I love him" or "He's so perfect." Now before you come to conclusions... I'm not deranged nor fogged in my insight of him. He has his flaws. As do I. When I see him happy though, and especially if that happiness is caused by me somehow, I feel that all those little flaws melt away. In the big picture they don't matter. Sure, they're things I have to address now and again. They're worth dealing with though, as he puts up with mine. And when I say this trust me, he has more to deal with than I do. Some of the people in my life don't like or agree with us being together (a.k.a not immediate family... and my Dad.) I don't care what they think though. As my mother says, "It's my happiness that matters most." And I hope things last between us two, for a very long time... Anywho... I didn't start writing here though so you could read an entry of a teenaged-girls-unrequited-love-for-her-boyfriend mush. =P There is one thing I want to say in this entry and it's this. I've changed... it's as simple as that. I'm the same person, but I feel more polished. Cut and edged to catch the light more. And why I say that is because I've learned to look at the brighter side of things. The rain sucks, but if you look farther out you'll see the sun and the rain will seem to pass much faster. Metaphorical life rain... not actual rain. I love rain. Lol. Well I got really corny and metaphorical with this blog post which I don't think is usually my thing (at least I hope not the corny part -_-) but I think I got my points across. It's been a whole year. I'm a year older and frankly, I feel it.
I'm not sure if I'll write here again. I don't feel the urge to write out my feelings so much anymore. Plus I don't think anyone wants to read any of this crap. =P If I'm wrong and there is someone out there that reads this. Let me know. Comment. E-mail me. If you find some comfort, joy, interest, in hearing about my life than tell me. I won't write unless I get someone to say something. I know I'm probably talking to air right now =P If I'm not. Prove me wrong. If you do, I'll keep writing. Also, I'm tired of hiding. I'm also to scared to tell everyone about everything myself -_- If your one of the none, but maybe few, people who read this let everyone know. Why not? Maybe a friend of yours has nothing better to do and would like to read something like this. Idk... but yeah. I'll just write to myself from now if the need arises unless someone out there actually wants to read this. So let me know and I'll keep writing this blog.
Well... Chibisukie signing off!