Hello
This ones going to be a short entry. I was trying to think of a way to stay awake because Will's going to be here in a half hour or so and suddenly I had the urge to write. So yeah. =] I'm graduating tomorrow. It's exciting, yet scary in a way. Exciting... cause heck. HIGH SCHOOL GRADUATION!!! I don't HAVE to go to school anymore! =D (I'm still going to of course -_-, but I don't HAVE to) Scary cause I'm like... sort of a sudo adult now. The choices I make from here on out are going to affect my entire life. I can't rely on my parents to make my decisions anymore (nor do I want to) I'm building my own life from here on out. That's whats exciting about it too in way. I'm afraid of screwing up. Well... I don't have any MAJOR choices to make yet. I'm going to collage... and I'm not in a hurry to get a career or anything, so I'm going to take my time with general ed. for now. My parents are going to pay for it and they're not going to just kick me out when I turn eighteen or anything... So no worries there. I'm more worried about decisions I'm going to have to make six months from now...a year from now... I don't want to be rash... which I have a tendency of doing sometimes =P I want to be sure of ever decision I make... which I'm afraid I won't be... I guess I'll just have to hope and see. As long as I keep a cool head and think things through I think I'll be ok. I'm also happy about it though. About my future and everything. I want to know how everyone will be in five, ten years; especially myself. How will I change? Will I change? Will I still be acting like a seventeen-year-old girl when I'm thirty? XP Will I be married? Will I have kids? If so, how many? I feel like I just finished reading the first book of a series and that I'm waiting anxiously for the sequel. My life as a book... Haha! That would possibly be interesting... but probably be pretty boring. X]
Well... I've gtg. William came in and surprised me. XD
ChibiSukie signing out!
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Monday, May 24, 2010
Blog 25: Holding On And Searching For A Solution
I just dropped my Zune... it hurt.
Lol.
So I visited my regular sites first before coming here and started blasting Blue October hoping it would improve my mood. It did =] I still kind of feel like crap though. Now... I'm not sure if it's because of the past week here at home or it was the book I read today. Around 9am I started the book Crank by Ellan Hopkins and finished around 3pm. Great book... it was one great big poem... but it was good. It was a book that gave you a very different side of life though... unless you've been on that side of course. It was also kind of depressing. It's about how this girl gets hooked on meth and her life goes from bad to worse. Whats really bad about the book though is not only is it based on a true story it's based on the authors daughter... So the Mother in the story is actually her. Or based on her for that matter. So yeah... I slowly felt my spirits dropped the farther I got into it. lol. Anyway... great book. Not a good one to read in one sitting though and when your not in a great mood to begin with. -_-
Now the problem with here at home from the past week... I got into a tad yesterday, but today I felt not just that... but my family is beginning to drive me nuts. Again I love them dearly... but I can't really stand to be around them for long periods of time. Well Mom just came back from her friends house which is nice... sometimes though she just... doesn't listen really. You say something and she turns it around in a way that makes it as negative as possible. It's not a bad things I guess... but when your trying to explain something that isn't like that in the least it gets hard. She is such a worry wort X] She also doesn't flat out listen to you sometimes though... -_- Which again... is hard. She really hasn't been the problem though. It's mostly my dad and brother. Dad is going from bad to worse. Not the worst he's been before... Thank goodness... but it's getting bad. It's to the point where you can't even talk for too long without spurring an argument because you say something that he semi doesn't like and he goes on and on about how horrible it is and people who think it's not are horrible too... even when the thing he's ranting about isn't really what you said... Then the brother. To be blunt... he's been an asshole the entire week. He's usually great, also the only family member I can talk freely to about everything. Now though... he's going back to his worst again too.... He's always online. Hardly eats, hardly sleeps. I know he's stressed about something... not going to get into what... but I think there's something else. It could because his EMT class ended too. I'm not sure, but I'm worried about him. When he gets this way he ends up hurting himself because he holds it all in and doesn't talk about it... frankly he doesn't usually talk to anyone period. It scares me. I hope he goes back to normal or that I can at least figure out how to fix whats wrong. =[ So yeah... I'm feeling trapped and I have a family that's just waring on me... physically and mentally... *sigh* I would rather deal with a friends drama about her ex-boyfriend and her being stupid -_-' I at least don't fall into depression myself because of that... I feel myself hanging on a thin line. From just yelling and screaming at everyone or everything I see. Or just balling my eyes out and not coming out of my room for three days... Both bad... but I'm getting close to that point. That worries me too. I think what doesn't help also is once I'm home everyone I love, beside my family, is so far away. There is my friend Matt that lives only two miles down the road... but I don't see him often; plus he's going through some really bad family problems so I'm not going to bug him too much... There's Alex and Abi... but they live like a thirty minute drive from here. And for parents that won't drive me much anymore (except for important stuff and Will's house occasionally... a lot lately until this week though =]) it's kind of hard to get there. Btw... yes I don't drive. Phopa on my part, but moving on. So basically when I am home... I'm trapped. Especially with having no school for awhile now... I know things will get better since worst comes to worst when I start collage next semester... but a couple weeks after I start school Will's going to leave for the Navy. So then I'm going to be depressed about that. I just can't win =[ Haha... So yeah. I don't know how to handle myself nor my family. All I can do I guess is try my best and to keep my spirits high. *sigh* That sounds hard. -_- Well... I'm going to go now. The new Red Vs. Blue episode is coming out soon, plus I have nothing else to write. =P If I do later though I'll post a part two. Either way will write tomorrow.
ChibiSukie signing out!
Lol.
So I visited my regular sites first before coming here and started blasting Blue October hoping it would improve my mood. It did =] I still kind of feel like crap though. Now... I'm not sure if it's because of the past week here at home or it was the book I read today. Around 9am I started the book Crank by Ellan Hopkins and finished around 3pm. Great book... it was one great big poem... but it was good. It was a book that gave you a very different side of life though... unless you've been on that side of course. It was also kind of depressing. It's about how this girl gets hooked on meth and her life goes from bad to worse. Whats really bad about the book though is not only is it based on a true story it's based on the authors daughter... So the Mother in the story is actually her. Or based on her for that matter. So yeah... I slowly felt my spirits dropped the farther I got into it. lol. Anyway... great book. Not a good one to read in one sitting though and when your not in a great mood to begin with. -_-
Now the problem with here at home from the past week... I got into a tad yesterday, but today I felt not just that... but my family is beginning to drive me nuts. Again I love them dearly... but I can't really stand to be around them for long periods of time. Well Mom just came back from her friends house which is nice... sometimes though she just... doesn't listen really. You say something and she turns it around in a way that makes it as negative as possible. It's not a bad things I guess... but when your trying to explain something that isn't like that in the least it gets hard. She is such a worry wort X] She also doesn't flat out listen to you sometimes though... -_- Which again... is hard. She really hasn't been the problem though. It's mostly my dad and brother. Dad is going from bad to worse. Not the worst he's been before... Thank goodness... but it's getting bad. It's to the point where you can't even talk for too long without spurring an argument because you say something that he semi doesn't like and he goes on and on about how horrible it is and people who think it's not are horrible too... even when the thing he's ranting about isn't really what you said... Then the brother. To be blunt... he's been an asshole the entire week. He's usually great, also the only family member I can talk freely to about everything. Now though... he's going back to his worst again too.... He's always online. Hardly eats, hardly sleeps. I know he's stressed about something... not going to get into what... but I think there's something else. It could because his EMT class ended too. I'm not sure, but I'm worried about him. When he gets this way he ends up hurting himself because he holds it all in and doesn't talk about it... frankly he doesn't usually talk to anyone period. It scares me. I hope he goes back to normal or that I can at least figure out how to fix whats wrong. =[ So yeah... I'm feeling trapped and I have a family that's just waring on me... physically and mentally... *sigh* I would rather deal with a friends drama about her ex-boyfriend and her being stupid -_-' I at least don't fall into depression myself because of that... I feel myself hanging on a thin line. From just yelling and screaming at everyone or everything I see. Or just balling my eyes out and not coming out of my room for three days... Both bad... but I'm getting close to that point. That worries me too. I think what doesn't help also is once I'm home everyone I love, beside my family, is so far away. There is my friend Matt that lives only two miles down the road... but I don't see him often; plus he's going through some really bad family problems so I'm not going to bug him too much... There's Alex and Abi... but they live like a thirty minute drive from here. And for parents that won't drive me much anymore (except for important stuff and Will's house occasionally... a lot lately until this week though =]) it's kind of hard to get there. Btw... yes I don't drive. Phopa on my part, but moving on. So basically when I am home... I'm trapped. Especially with having no school for awhile now... I know things will get better since worst comes to worst when I start collage next semester... but a couple weeks after I start school Will's going to leave for the Navy. So then I'm going to be depressed about that. I just can't win =[ Haha... So yeah. I don't know how to handle myself nor my family. All I can do I guess is try my best and to keep my spirits high. *sigh* That sounds hard. -_- Well... I'm going to go now. The new Red Vs. Blue episode is coming out soon, plus I have nothing else to write. =P If I do later though I'll post a part two. Either way will write tomorrow.
ChibiSukie signing out!
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Blog 24: So The Writing Continues
Ello
Abi said I should write, so hear I am! Also... for the past month I've been thinking about it and frankly, I miss writing on here.
So life goes on as usual... in the good/bad kind of way. I'm happy with my life as a whole, but every time I'm home or around my family I feel cloistered. Trapped. Like there's nothing I can do or anywhere I can go. It's very strange. I love my family (sometimes =P), but I feel I'm becoming more and more distant. Like I'm preferring a life away from them. Not like in a "I hate my parents of course I prefer a life without them" type of thing. More like "I want to go out into the world and make my own life and find my own way." type thing. I'm not really sure what any of that means though.
Anyway, on to a more happy topic. I'm in a fairly good mood and I would like to stay that way. =] I was looking through an old blog on here earlier, it was Blog 17 Part 1, and I read through the dream I had had the night before. I remember it clearly now funny enough and since it's been so long I see certain things that I didn't notice before. First off... when he punches the wall... total Kyo* moment. Lol. Next, I say that he, "stared into my eyes with his own clear blue eyes." The guy I was sorta kind of dreaming about and who I thought for sure it was didn't have blue eyes. He had brown. So I really was just wanting to be with a guy period... that's sad... Also, I think I was either writing and/or reading to many love stories. That's what inspired this dream. I have to admit though... I didn't really remember the dream in detail until after I read it again so it was kind of like reading a story I had only heard vaguely about... The story did keep me on my toes. It was fascinating sort of. Now I could have wrote the story of that dream WAY better, but the story of the dream itself should be made into a classic. ;P Ha! Finally, funny/scary thing about it. Some of those romantic moments I had in the dream has actually happened with Will and I. I mean... they weren't exact, but they were pretty close. What really struck me the most was the first kiss scene... It didn't happen like that of course. We were in a movie theater not by a church =P And my Dad didn't see... that's for certain... but the feeling of being lost. Being worried yet wanting it so much. Just going with it in a fluid motion like I'd done it so many times before. Oh... and the fireworks. I may sound ridiculous and corny for saying this... but there are definitely fireworks with that first kiss. So yeah... haha... has there ever been an awkward moment in a blog? Cause suddenly I'm feeling it. I am so weird. X]
I don't really have anything else insightful to say (if what I talked about in this blog was insightful... which I doubt) So I'm going to get going. Well... goodnight.
ChibiSukie signing out!
*Character from the Manga/Anime Fruits Basket.
Abi said I should write, so hear I am! Also... for the past month I've been thinking about it and frankly, I miss writing on here.
So life goes on as usual... in the good/bad kind of way. I'm happy with my life as a whole, but every time I'm home or around my family I feel cloistered. Trapped. Like there's nothing I can do or anywhere I can go. It's very strange. I love my family (sometimes =P), but I feel I'm becoming more and more distant. Like I'm preferring a life away from them. Not like in a "I hate my parents of course I prefer a life without them" type of thing. More like "I want to go out into the world and make my own life and find my own way." type thing. I'm not really sure what any of that means though.
Anyway, on to a more happy topic. I'm in a fairly good mood and I would like to stay that way. =] I was looking through an old blog on here earlier, it was Blog 17 Part 1, and I read through the dream I had had the night before. I remember it clearly now funny enough and since it's been so long I see certain things that I didn't notice before. First off... when he punches the wall... total Kyo* moment. Lol. Next, I say that he, "stared into my eyes with his own clear blue eyes." The guy I was sorta kind of dreaming about and who I thought for sure it was didn't have blue eyes. He had brown. So I really was just wanting to be with a guy period... that's sad... Also, I think I was either writing and/or reading to many love stories. That's what inspired this dream. I have to admit though... I didn't really remember the dream in detail until after I read it again so it was kind of like reading a story I had only heard vaguely about... The story did keep me on my toes. It was fascinating sort of. Now I could have wrote the story of that dream WAY better, but the story of the dream itself should be made into a classic. ;P Ha! Finally, funny/scary thing about it. Some of those romantic moments I had in the dream has actually happened with Will and I. I mean... they weren't exact, but they were pretty close. What really struck me the most was the first kiss scene... It didn't happen like that of course. We were in a movie theater not by a church =P And my Dad didn't see... that's for certain... but the feeling of being lost. Being worried yet wanting it so much. Just going with it in a fluid motion like I'd done it so many times before. Oh... and the fireworks. I may sound ridiculous and corny for saying this... but there are definitely fireworks with that first kiss. So yeah... haha... has there ever been an awkward moment in a blog? Cause suddenly I'm feeling it. I am so weird. X]
I don't really have anything else insightful to say (if what I talked about in this blog was insightful... which I doubt) So I'm going to get going. Well... goodnight.
ChibiSukie signing out!
*Character from the Manga/Anime Fruits Basket.
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