Blog 7: A Bad Day in the Life of Me

Halloo
Well.... Today was interesting in a somewhat good and a really bad way. Last night I couldn't sleep... again... cause of everything still on my mind. So I didn't fall asleep until like 6:30am. Because of that I didn't get up until around noon. My Dad was really ticked at me because after hours of trying to get me up apparently (I don't remember.)and after I finally was awake I didn't come down stairs that he yelled up to me that if I didn't come down stairs immediately he wouldn't give me my phone back (which my Mom stole earlier this morning without my permission.) So I got out of bed the best I could and hobbled down stairs. Then found my Mom and Dad. Then my Dad started going off about how horrible it was for me to sleep in that late(which I would agree with usually but first off it was Christmas break and second I was way to cranky to care.) and that I just goofed off all last night and that's why and that I neglected my chores last night sense the dishes were never done. I was ticked. He was doing the whole "I know what you did or what your thinking better then you do" thing again and I'm beginning to get fed up with it. So then I explained first that I did the chores he told me to and that he never told me do the dishes. Then he gave me this look like I should know automatically that it was my job (which we never agreed to) then said whatever. Then I explained more ticked that I couldn't sleep last night cause I had a lot on my mind not because I was goofing off. He didn't believe me. Then even angrier I explained that I didn't come down stairs immediately because my knee was out again. Then he was like why didn't you tell me then when I was up there. At that I was totally fed up with him and told him that I was half asleep when he was there so obviously I wasn't awake enough to think about it. Then he was really condescending to me. I stormed off saying forget it you can keep the phone. Which I regretted... but I was just so angry at that point I didn't care. I then laid back in bed and started crying because I was so frustrated and because my knee hurt really bad after my last performance there. After a few minutes there was a knock on my door so I put my arms over my eyes so he couldn't see and told him to come in. I knew it was my Dad. He walked in and put my phone down on my night stand. I forgave him a bit after that and responded with a thank you. Then he sat down on my bed and asked me why I wasn't able to sleep. I told him again that I had some thing on my mind. So he then asked me what it was. I told him it was nothing and that I'd get over it eventually. He told me that it wasn't the way to handle it and he was family and that's what he was there for etc... I still told him no. Then he asked if it was Mom would I talk. Still no. Then he got up frustrated and said that I should think about it and if I changed my mind to come down and talk about it. Then he left. I felt bad and I wanted to talk about it and I knew he was just trying to help, but it was about what I talked about yesterday. I didn't want to talk about a boy that I may love and about me being suicidal awhile back. Plus I kind of never told him about my ex.... hehe... Aaaanywho! I kept crying after that. Then about 10 minutes later suddenly my door burst open. I knew it was Mom so I quickly hid my head in my pillow so she couldn't see me crying. She then proceeded to jump on top of me... literally... then crawled into my bed and started pestering the same way as Dad. I gave in and told her about the guy I missed. It's really hard to talk about my troubles, but I was doing my best. The whole time though she kept interrupting me to talk about how worried and depressed she was for one of her friends problems. Then when I finally finished she stared off into space for a few seconds and then asked my opinion on her friends situation... again. Then she wanted to go down stairs to her room and talk about it more. I went and talked to her about it and other things for a few hours after that. Screw it... It seems like every time I try to talk about my problems and my worries I get completely ignored. They pry and pry and pry then I finally break in and tell them because I do want to... I just get scared to and don't to worry them... then they tease me the entire time I talk making me think at the end they'll consul me or give me advice then what do I get? Nothing. They either just ignore me and go talk to someone else or they just talk about themselves. I want to help people as much as possible, but it's always "me me ME"!!! I'm getting really fed up with it. If there going to be that way then fine, but don't lead me on to making me think that they actually care. I'm not asking anyone to become my 24 hour therapist or someone to bitch at a lot. It would just be nice though to have someone care long enough... or just enough... when I really needed to talk to someone. It would have been nice to talk to someone today that cared about it... but I don't need it. I know what I need to do to get over what I'm thinking about... I just need to wait a week.... If I really wanted to I could talk to my friends and they probably would listen... At least I hope.... but the problem isn't to bad. I'll live through it. I don't want to trouble my friends over it cause they don't need anymore of it. *Sigh* So ya... Back to today... After I was with my Mom for awhile I needed to be by myself. So I escaped outside to my tree swing. I would have gone farther or somewhere more excluded, but my knee hurt... I wasn't going to walk far. I got there and started thinking about what my Mom did to me and I started crying again. I just didn't care anymore and suddenly just wanted to curl up into a ball and die. Then suddenly my phone vibrated. I thought it was another text, so I was going to ignore it for the moment, but then it did it again. It was a phone call that turned out to be a friend I hadn't talked to in awhile. I was a bit harsh at her at first, because I was in a crummy mood and I didn't know who she was at first when she called me by name, which I feel bad about, but she helped me. We didn't talk about much it was just simple chit chat, but it made me feel loads better. She was really positive about everything the entire time and I think that was what I needed. I think it showed me that maybe even if I didn't want to talk about my problems, just talking could help. So I think I will call my friends next time that happens. It certainly couldn't hurt. I'm still a bit bummed and angry about everything though, which I'm sure you couldn't tell from this massive rant, but like I said earlier, I'll be ok. Lol... Some blog... This is more like a personal diary for me.... One that the whole world can see... ok now that's just creepy... I highly doubt though that many people would care about me ranting about my pathetic life enough to actually read this. But ya... If I was really concerned about it though I could just put it on private, but I don't really care. Well hopefully someday I will write a completely happy and positive blog, but until then your going to have to bear with me to see it. Anyways... I think this blog is long enough. So... ChibiSukie signing out!