Blog 27: Completely Hopeless

Oi

So I have to be quick because I'm getting ready for Sober Grad tonight. I'll write a longer one tomorrow. So life goes on as normal except for one thing. Will and I. I don't want to get into any details of the situation, but we are basically at breaking point. Which is hard for both of us, but my problem with it is that I've been hurt and I have to make the choice. I have to choose whether we stay together or go our separate ways... I DON'T WANT THAT CHOICE! T-T I love him... I really do. He's everything to me. Not trying to say my friends aren't or anything but yeah. My brain has been telling me to run though... It's the logical thing to do, everything else about me wants me to stay though. Basically I'm two sides right now trying to figure this out. Gosh... at this rate I'm going to develop multiple personalities... Which would be kind of cool in a way, but I know that can cause a lot of crap... crap you don't want to have happen.... ANYWHO! I don't know what to do anymore. I'm stuck with a life changing choice that I don't want to make and I'm scared. Scared to pieces... I'm scared I'll make the wrong choice. By making that wrong choice I'll screw myself over even more. And again... I love him. I don't want to hurt him... but I have to make this choice for me. He wants us to still be together and he says that he will do everything in his power to make things right, but will that be enough? Will it someday be ok again? Will I be able to be the same? I don't know. And I have to make all these choices with what if's! I also have to make this choice by Monday... I'm thinking only two options. A) We stay together, but he's on trial. If he makes one more mistake were done. B) We break up and still be friends ( I couldn't never talk to him again! He would still have to be in my life somehow. *sigh* In most ways he's perfect... others he's a complete freaking nightmare. -_- So yeah. I'm lost dazed and confused. I'm completely hopeless in this situation. It helped to rant about it though. grrrr... *sigh* Well... I've gtg.
ChibiSukie signing out!